Been Here & Done That!

Hello everyone, anyone? Well I just wanted to say that I am still here! I know its been a while since my last blog entry – but I have been busy with the website and for about 6 weeks went back to work full time – until I was let go 2 weeks before Christmas. 

Everyday right now I hope will be the day that all of this will be recognized by someone. I contact people in the business everyday. They never respond but I continue to work on this from the time I get up to even while laying in bed before going to sleep. My plans to make it to Sundance – a mere 2-3 hour drive south, to create awareness and gain support for this Mission was obviously not meant to be. Moving back to LA, after 20 years will happen sometime this year. My resources have once again dwindled, thanks in large part to not getting Abilities United or any of the film projects funded and being let go from the damn job. So I am back to the mercy of the money gods!

Meanwhile, I have made some good discoveries – well they are not so good but it is good to discover them so that I can address them and then move forward. It came to my attention that most in Hollywood assume there are programs that are like mine – or that help those like myself, that have a disAbility and want to contribute an authentic voice to express my point of view of the world! BUT that is a false assumption Hollywood! Even your own Diversity Programs primarily focus on those of a racial or nationality minority. Gender and alternative lifestyles or sexual preference whatever fucking politically correct term you want to use to describe a minority that is less than a quarter of the size of the disabled community – yet they have programs on television, movies, an entire cable network and diversity programs that are substantial enough to provide an authentic help for their authentic voices! If you did not come here from the homepage, then I strongly recommend that you go back to AbilitiesUnited.com and find all the new stuff I have added.

So if I hear of one more minority bitching in the news about not having a fair representation of the size and importance of their group in today’s movie and television programs – and it is not from one of the 54+ million Americans with a disAbility – I may totally fucking lose it! I am already on the edge – after all I am at the end of the rope – again – it is not the first time. In the past 12 years, if I take off my socks, I could count the times I have been here. It causes a lot of anxiety. But the only thing I have to hold onto, so I guess you can say that the rope is hope. I damn sure hope and on occasion just know that it will happen today. And when the day ends as it is right now, I cling to tomorrow!

I do not worry about making this Mission happen – I know I will – I have come too far and been through too much to make this happen – to break the stereotypes and help end the discrimination of those of us with a disAbility by providing an authentic voice and representation. I am more concerned about WHEN. What is going to happen to me while I continue this dedication, passion, sacrifice. This is it, this is  my everything and as it has been made very clear to me – it is all I can turn to, their is nobody or anything that I can turn to. So let us all sleep well tonight, dream of tomorrow and when we wake, smile, genuinely and positively smile and have the attitude, force yourself out of bed, drag yourself into your chair, plop into the bathroom and get ready for this will hopefully be the day that the we move to the next level. I am not foolish enough to think that will solve all the problems – but it just means that finally after 12 long years and the 4,380 days of keeping it real – that I am making progress that is not alone or confined to my dreams and my computer! That day is coming! Will it be tomorrow? Cling baby, cling as I hope it is!

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